The Cost of Non Conformity

Created on April 17, 2025

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives mimicry, their passions a quotation - Oscar Wilde

Now that I look back, I’m not even sure when or how I developed such a strong sense of non-conformity. Unlike some of the other traits I’ve worked on over the years, this one feels like it was simply part of me from the start.

After listening to people around me for so long, I realized how most of them don’t really have independent thoughts. Their opinions are often just reflections of those around them. Over time, my frustration with this mindset grew—eventually turning into pure disdain for conformists and their way of living. I felt there was nothing to learn from them.

But lately, I’ve started wondering if I was wrong. It seems like I’ve moved so far to one extreme on the conformity spectrum that I might be losing on some important things. Let me explain.

College Clubs and My Early Realizations

In my first year of college, we were introduced to various societies and clubs. This was back in 2019—a less wise version of me, but still a strong non-conformist. As club representatives explained what their groups did, I couldn’t help but feel that most of them offered little real value. In fact, many just seemed like a way to get free labor.

Yet, many of my peers were eager to join these societies. I was curious, so I asked them why. Their answers were vague and unconvincing—mostly driven by FOMO and the urge to do what everyone else was doing. “Everyone’s trying to get in, so it must be good,” they would say.

I remember the entrepreneurship cell in particular. It was clear to me that it would be useless for anyone genuinely interested in entrepreneurship. And I was right—one of my dear friends interested in entrepreneurship also joined and ended up learning absolutely nothing. He left a year later, just having wasted his time. The same happened with other clubs as well.

What I Overlooked

What I failed to see at the time was that the real value of joining a club wasn’t necessarily the work itself—it was the opportunity to build a strong network. I realized this in my final year, but by then, it was too late.

But it’s not like my peers joined with this networking benefit in mind either. They were just as dumb as me. They were just conforming. But even that blind conformity ended up working in their favor.

This experience made me reflect more deeply. Sometimes, following the crowd actually leads to the best result—especially when a particular problem has already been solved and the “herd” has collectively accepted the best solution. But the skeptic in me doesn’t accept answers without digging deep. Unless I fully understand why something works, I hesitate. And that often costs me time and opportunities.

Social Skills and Observation

Let’s understand the mind of a conformist. Whenever they have to form a thought or an opinion, the first thing they do do is look around to see what others are thinking. They then make their thoughts align with the thought that they think will be respected by others. The bi-product of this is they are constantly observing how others behave in different situations. Because they’re always aligning themselves with the group, they learn to read the room quickly, pick up on unspoken cues, and adjust their behavior accordingly.

Over time, this gives them a kind of social fluency that I think I noticeably lack. Since I never paid much attention to how others were behaving—let alone tried to imitate it—I missed out on building these skills. And in situations where reading people matters, it really shows.

Conclusion

So that’s the price I paid for being a non-conformist. Don’t get me wrong, I still prefer it to blindly following the crowd. It’s helped me avoid a lot of misery and unfulfillment that I see many conformists deal with because of the choices they’ve made.

But I think it’s important to talk about the downsides of non-conformity too. I’ve rarely seen anyone discuss this honestly. Knowing these pitfalls can help non-conformists like me improve in areas we naturally neglect.

A Final Thought

If you’re interested in learning more about the foundations of non-conformity, I can recommend the videos below (Ralph Waldo Emerson is the GOAT)

The Psychology of Conformity Why Nonconformity Cures a Sick Self and a Sick Society

But please remember, non-conformity isn’t about being different just for the sake of it. It’s about questioning the norm with intention. Please don’t disrespect the concept.